The Single Swan Feather

MOVIE REVIEW: THE JOY LUCK CLUB


We ask ourselves," What the hell's wrong with mom?" But then we don't really want to know the answer.


This anger and complete misunderstanding may not be our fault to some extent; it must be this sensitive puberty stage, where emotions violently clash and erupt in what we think are the most lethal moments of our life.


But at the end of the day, we stil have to face the question and discover the truth, because after all, accepting mom as she is, is accepting who we really are.

The Joy Luck  Club

Like June Woo in The Joy Luck Club (from the best-selling novel by Amy Tan), I also wondered why my mom pushed me too hard in my studies. She became too drunk from others' compliments whenever I get an award and a P20-gold-painted medal. I, on the other hand, became too drunk with studying so hard I wasn't able to distinguish whether mom was still pushing me or it already became a habit of mine to make a fool of myself.


I would remember how she nailed me to my seat, saying I couldn't play outside unless I memorize the computer keys. But then I would also remember how she made a twist and thrilled us (me and my sister) with a game about the letters of the alphabet. Whoever won got a horde of Pochi candies.


Looking back at her stories when she was younger, I realized she, too, got huge hopes for me. She had bitterly recalled how her mom (my lola) compared her to her beautiful cousin because the latter got better grades. She would always tell us how she wondered why lola always seemed so angry at her and used to scold her everytime.

But then she had bragged to lola what she had become, with daughters always at the top of their class. Then she would degrade her beautiful cousin to us who didn't even graduate from college back then.


I realized that's how she was brought up, and I could never blame her for that. I believe she never expects anything more from me; she only hopes I would live a life better than hers.

Sometimes I would also wonder how powerful she could be as a mother. It became hard for me to ask permission to buy something or go out with friends. I always thought she would never agree or would scold me first. Just like Waverly, I've become too uneasy around mom and even once had this obsession of finally making her happy and proud of me in any way I could, even if it seemed physically impossible.


But then it must be the cruelty of her childhood she was not able to cut off from herself that she unconsciously passed it on to us. All that comparison issue, lola's unexplained hostility towards her, and the responsibility she shouldered as an eldest sister. So then I couldn't blame her all the more.


Somehow there were also some things she passed on to us on purpose. When she was younger, she also received ocassional physical punishments spelled with only one word: dos-por-dos. She has told us she promised herself not to inflict the same pain to us. Like Auntie Ying-Ying, although there were things she was not able to give to her daughter, she was ready at any cost to cut any curse her ancestry had etched so her own family would not be the same again.

I liked An-Mei's story the most, how her mom killed her own self and "gave up her own weak spirit just so she could give her daughter a stronger one." Her story also made me realize I should know my worth by now. I am very like my mom after all: we both want to cut the curse and pass the opposite trait to the next generation, just like what An-Mei tried to teach to her tragedy-stricken daughter Lena.


It must be a bitter truth that every generation experiences the same fate, the same mistakes, the same curse, the same judgements. Watching The Joy Luck Club, I realized, what I am today is not my mom's fault; it's lola's fault, and not even her; it's her mom's fault, and her mother's mother...


The blame goes on, but it shouldn't matter. What should matter is any daughter's belief that her mom had also given her the single swan feather: it may look worthless, but it comes from afar, and with it carries all her good intentions...


I love you mom.